the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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