Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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