she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
