I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
