Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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