Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize