u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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