If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
