your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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