By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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