You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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