dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
