i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
