Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
