It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
