he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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