my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
