i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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