Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
