Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
