took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
