I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
