whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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