Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
