His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
