I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
