At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
