So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
