he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
