Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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