Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize