somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
