You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize