you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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