A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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