So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize