I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
