This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
