I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
