One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
