Acid is not a monday night drug
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
