Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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