Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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