Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
