Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize