He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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