I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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