I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
