We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
