I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
