she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
