Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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