Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
