He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
