that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
