If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
