Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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