i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
