So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
