Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
