The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
