dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
