dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
