Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize
