shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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