You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he thought i was a dude.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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