toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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