I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
