well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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